"I wish they put something in the poo so it glowed in the dark."

Day 57
Dog Park
1998

Hey sports fans! Sorry it's been a while. Ever since little miss Ellie-B came in to the world a couple weeks ago, things have been a little more busy than usual. She is probably the world's most adorable niece, though, so I can't complain. : ) Can't wait to watch her grow up!!!

Ok, back to the blog.

Dog Park.

Ohhh, Dog Park.

This movie is to me as Gigli seems to be to a lot of people. (I still haven't seen that one.) It may be one of the worst movies ever. It's like someone watched a mid-90s romantic comedy one day and thought, "Hey! I could do that!". No, sir. No, you cannot. It feels like all the elements are there for a quirky 90s-era date flick, but they truly fall flat.

The most glaring example is the title/setting. To me, a dog park seems like a great setting for comedy. There's so much potential and it's a unique location that I don't think has really been overused in this genre.

All of the plot synopsises of this movie I read beforehand, however, seemed to incorrectly give undue weight to the dog park in this movie. In actuality, it always just seemed more like an aside. Like "filler." Like, maybe some afterthought to help make the title seem more fitting? It just seems to me that if you're going to name the movie after it, it should maybe be a bit more of a focal point, something that truly affects the plot.

And the dogs just seem...unnatural. Not really even for a good or witty, metaphorical purpose, and certainly not in any terribly crucial or meaningful way regarding the plot. More like animate furniture, who occasionally make an appearance in the background.

Regardless, the main dog, Mr. Mogley, is adorable, which almost makes up for something. He is easily one of my favorite characters of the film, second only to his "pet therapist."

The therapist is constantly dumbfounded by people, berating everyone, including his children, for not understanding, or being more like dogs. ("They are not our children; they're better.") It might have been better, had he been played by say...Will Ferrel, but he at least ups the comedy level considerably in this movie.

As does Callum, (Harland Williams), who you might remember best from a little classic called Dumb and Dumber. ("Tic-Tac, sir?)

Anyways, if nothing else, it can certainly be said that this movie is missing the following:

1. An interesting plot. Truly just a believable plot in general. As Andy (Luke Wilson) says, "It's like hitting on a waitress. It's just so obvious."
2. Hair. The very lovely Natasha Henstridge is in desperate need of hair.
   
3. A good script. Some witty banter. ("Will you crack my neck?" --What?!?!?!?!) Maybe just some chemistry. Somewhere. Something that might actually make me care a little bit. I realize Bruce McCulloch wrote for Kids in the Hall and SNL, but I'm not sold, buddy. You've got some decent one-liners, but that opening monologue?! It is just painful. : ( I won't lay that all on you, though, Mr. McCulloch. Maybe if you had some different actors? Maybe? Maybe. (Sorry, Mr. Wilson!)
   

I will say one positive thing about this movie; the DVD menu did NOT loop the music! Just one and done. Thank you for that.

MERE'S OFFICIAL RATING: 1 OUT OF 5 STARS
A sandwich might deliver better dialogue.




Up Next... Home Fries

"He doesn't even play ball."

Day 41
Telling Lies in America
1997


I've finally had the chance to catch up on that one we missed, Telling Lies in America.

Honestly, I can really only say I'm glad I watched it in the sense that otherwise my challenge would have been incomplete. Beyond that, I think I could have lived without seeing Kevin Bacon slinking around as a sleazy 1960's radio disc jockey. In his defense, he played the role all too well.

The highlight of the entire film for me, truly, was probably the whole 3 minutes of screen time given to Jonathon Rhys Meyers. What a loooovely lad.

Otherwise, the movie didn't do much for me. I didn't really even like any of the characters. Not even the protagonist, Karchy (Brad Renfro). He's just pretty misguided and a little sleazy at best. Kevin Bacon's character is even sleazier. Calista Flockhart's "Diney" is just plain weird and drab. I mean, you sort of feel bad for all of them, but it's fairly hard to want good things for any of them. You just sort of hope the movie will end soon and you can push it all out of your mind quickly thereafter. It lacks the wit or humor or the something that it desperately needs to really be watchable.

Mr. Wilson's character is about as loath-able as the rest, too, playing Karchy's straight-laced, hard-ass of a boss. Again, even if he is playing by the rules, you really don't like him any more for it. (Killer glasses though!)

It's all pretty formulaic, predictable, and bland. Basically, it's a movie devoid of any really entertaining qualities in this girl's mind. I do not recommend it.


MERE'S OFFICIAL RATING: 2 out of 5 stars.
You could probably step out for a sandwich mid-movie...

Up Next...
Dog Park
1998